On this one Tuesday in particular, I was at home just hanging around waiting to go to work. I was passing the time just watching the local News at Noon on CBS. There was a reporter doing an on-the-scene story from outside a Barnes & Noble’s store. It was a story on U2. They were inside Barnes & Noble, signing the first 500 copies of their new book. People had been lined up for hours, if not days.
The reporter went on to say something to the effect, if you’re not already here waiting on line, don’t bother coming down because it’s a zoo, and you’ll never get close. Right away I thought to myself, I do love a challenge. But I had to get to work and I was only working one day a week. I had to be there on time. I get to work and see the manager. He was a little stiff, not cordial as usual, and there was no music playing.
Then I see a lady in business attire, who I’d never seen before. The manager tells me, he’s going to be busy with the accountant all afternoon, and if I could please come back the next day instead. I was like, “Sure.” I just sat there for a minute and had a soda to get my thoughts together. I had mentally prepared myself for a day of work.
Now, I was surprisingly off, and thinking about what to do with my time off this beautiful day. I couldn’t waste it. Then all of a sudden, the light bulb went off. I remembered the news story. (Thank you, CBS.) U2 was at Barnes & Noble. I knew where I was going. I started pedaling downtown. I had to pass my apartment along the way, so I stopped in to get one of my U2 CDs and some Sharpies. I grabbed my copy of Rattle and Hum. It was the first one I came across in my collection and I also smoked up.
I arrive on my bike, pull up, and it’s a scene. There’s a line of people wrapped around the block, news vans, and a lot of people milling about. U2 had been inside for approximately four hours. I decided to ride my bike around to the backdoor. There were about a dozen people waiting, totally convinced that U2 was going to exit that way. I then lock my bike up.
Those have got to be the vehicles they arrived in. Everyone was hoping they’d come out and play right there, in Union Square, but that was only wishful thinking. There was no stage anywhere to be seen. The book signing was on the second floor. The security guard made sure the line was very orderly and that absolutely nobody blocked the front door. The store was still open to the general public on the first floor.
I walked up to the door; completely playing it off like I had no idea there was a book signing by U2 going on inside. I just needed to buy a book, real quick. I get in and just start browsing and looking around at all the books on display while keeping one eye on the escalator to the second floor. If that security guard were to let his guard down for a brief second, I would have made my way over to I t. He didn’t. So I just browsed and moseyed over to an employee elevator. I pushed the button real slyly and walked away. My plan was to get on it, when it arrived. That plan backfired, too. The elevator was manned with a security guard inside.
As I’m pretending browsing, I see the actor Chris Parnell. I have always wanted to meet him. Chris Parnell is my favorite actor from Saturday Night Live. I was on SNL three times: twice as an extra and once in a featured scene with Natalie Portman. He was in all three scenes. Extras never get to talk to or mingle with the regular cast. He appeared to actually be shopping. He was buying a magazine on the theater scene, possibly Theater Scene. I couldn’t read the title.
I wanted to go up and say hi, but I didn’t know if that would make him feel uneasy. All these thoughts were running through my head and I finally ask myself, do I want to meet Chris Parnell on the first floor, or U2 on the second?’ He bought his magazine and left, and I continued on my quest.
There was no penetrating the second-floor fortress. Besides, I didn’t want to get on security’s radar. Too late, I’m sure. So I went back outside. U2 exits. Pandemonium ensues. People start cheering like it’s a concert. The crowd had been waiting all day for them to emerge.
They run up to the band, and U2 starts shaking fans’ hands and signing autographs while being ushered into the two SUV limos, just like I thought. They waved goodbye before they got in—the crowd cheered one last time—and they zoomed away, right past me.
I’m sitting there on my bike at 17th and Broadway. I check out the license plates just to be sure. Yep, it’s them. Limo numbers one and two. So I take off after them. I’m sure I can catch up. I watch them as they turn right, onto Sixth Avenue, and proceed north. I lost my visual on them at that point.
A line from the song “It’s a Beautiful Day” started repeating in my head. “The traffic is stuck, and you’re not moving anywhere.” I’m thinking to myself, ‘come on New York, come on. I need some help from the streets, here!’ ‘It’s up to you, New York, New York, with all of your beautiful traffic-clogging construction zones.’ I needed two of them, on Sixth Avenue, to slow them down just enough for me to catch up.
I was peddling like a madman. I was now on Sixth Avenue. I flew across 23rd Street just before the light turned red. The limos were nowhere to be seen, but I had faith. I got to 28th Street, and there’s the first construction zone. Phew! Next I’m near 34th Street and people start crossing on the red—my green!—and I start yelling at them, “Get out of my way I’m chasing down U2!” They look at me like I’m the crazy one, as they jump out of the way.
I’m sweating as I cross 42nd Street and see the second glorious construction zone. I look up, three blocks north to 45th Street, and see what could be them. I pedal closer, and it is! It’s limo number two. As I get near them, the light turns green and they take off, so I must time things perfectly. I ride alongside until they hit a red light and roll to a stop at 48th and Sixth.
I now have approximately sixty seconds. I ride up to the backseat window, right side, and knock on the window, hold my CD in one hand, and a Sharpie in the other. The adrenaline is flowing. I was so hyped after that sprint. The window rolls down and Adam Clayton, the bassist, reaches out. I hand the two items to him. He signs the CD, and then hands it to his left, to Larry Mullen, Jr.
I was thinking, wow, Larry Mullen, Jr. looks so young. He looks like he hasn’t aged a day since The Joshua Tree. I’ve always wanted to bang him too. They hand me back the CD, and I say, “Thanks, good luck with the book!” The other SUV limo passes by right then. I interrupt myself, “Gotta go! There goes the other two. Bye!”
Limo number one rolls to a stop at a red light, a few blocks away. This one was on the west side of the avenue. I had to cross all four lanes in two blocks. It was crazy. I get... http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00BCQ2R7K?*Version*=1&*entries*=0
