I liked Queen Latifah long before she got her own talk show. I lived in Jersey City for a year between '92 and '93. She's a Jersey girl. That's where I first heard her name mentioned. My roommate at the time was DJ Mad Adam (his name is a palindrome, which spells the same way backward or forward.) He spun her music around the house all the time. One night she walked into a club he was spinning. That earned him some street cred among the other D.J.'s.
The next day he was telling anyone who’d listen, “Queen Latifah came into the club I was spinning at last night!” I had noticed that her music had been included on a few mix tapes from the New Music Seminar. I also remember seeing her in the Naughty by Nature video “Hip Hop Hooray” and then in the movie Set It Off. I bought her CD Black Reign when it first came out in 1993. It has the hits “U.N.I.T.Y.” and “Just Another Day,” plus my personal favorite “Coochie Bang.”
When I heard she was getting her own talk show, I had to go see it and get my CD signed. The show was being taped only six blocks from my apartment. I sent in for tickets and received four in the mail. I called friends, made plans. We were all going to meet up there. Whoever got there first would just get in line and wait for the others. It was me, so I jumped in line. I was about the fiftieth person in the cue. I noticed some producers and assistant producers were standing by the employee entrance enjoying a smoke break, hovered in a semicircle.
I knew they were working because I could see their credentials hanging from their necks. They noticed me get in line. As they were conversating, they looked over at me again, then talked amongst themselves some more. I had a feeling that something was up. They finished their cigarettes and came over to me as a group, and then one of them said, “Hey, the topic of today’s show is hip-hop.
We are going to pick one person from the studio audience to do a hip-hop makeover on. Do you want to do it?” Right away, the girl standing in front of me turns around and tries to get in on my game and says, “I want a hip-hop makeover. I want a hip-hop makeover.” One of the producers told her real nicely, “No thank you. You already look hip-hop. We’re looking for a more dramatic effect.” I was the only white boy in line at that time.
I was like, “Yeah, let’s do this!” My friends soon arrive and join me in line. I tell them I’ve been waiting for only about seven minutes and that I’m going to be on the show. They say how they expected no less and we all laugh. The line starts to move. We all pass through the metal detector and wait in a holding area before entering the actual studio. The show was in its first week, so a few minor kinks had to be worked out. There were guest celebrities coming in that day.
With extra coordination needed for the stars and the newness of the show, taping took longer than anyone anticipated. One of my friends had to get back to work, so she left after about two hours. Then another friend was getting antsy, and he bailed right after that. I was totally fine with them leaving, because I was going to be on TV with Queen Latifah.
They let us all in and I get pulled aside and given the rundown: “We are going for a total transformation. What we need from you is to act real nerdy in the first segment.” They instructed me to take my shirt and button it all the way up, and to “sit up real straight, walk very stiffly, and make it appear that you have an overbite. Queen Latifah will then come out, stop at a certain spot on the stage, and open the show.”
I was positioned in a seat in the second row, right above Queen Latifah’s shoulder. While she was doing her opening monologue, you couldn’t help but notice the goofy white guy right behind her. It was perfect. Everyone was cheering when she came out on-stage. She greeted the audience, the show got underway, and she says, “I was backstage looking the audience over before I came out here, and I noticed something just ain’t right.”
While saying this, she walks over to me and motions for me to stand up, which I did. She asks me, “How you doing, sir? What’s your name?” I spoke with an overbite when I answered. She then says, “Okay, Zachariah, we are going to send you backstage with our stylist to hook you up. Are you ready for this?” I nodded and said, “Yes.” The audience all clapped and Queen Latifah sent me off.
I walked real stiff across the stage, right through the backstage door. I get there and a producer takes me by the hand to a dressing room and drops me off with the wardrobe girl. I get inside this dressing room and there are clothes, shoes, and accessories galore. I ask her, “How much of this stuff do I get to keep?” But wardrobe girl doesn’t even look up from her magazine. I’m thinking to myself ‘I’m not kidding, bitch. Get me a shopping bag!’
I did the makeover myself. I tried on a few different pairs of jeans. I went with the Tommy Hilfiger carpenter pants. They were so it, in 1999. Really baggy, and they had the loops with extra pockets on the side for all the carpenter tools. For shoes, I had to go with the classic white leather Adidas with the three black stripes, just like Run-DMC used to wear back in the day.
I went with a Tommy shirt and a black-and-silver Raiders colored Kangol hat. I was styling, and I knew it. It appeared that wardrobe girl would not be providing me with a shopping bag after all, so that idea was out. I asked her, “I get to keep these clothes, right?” She doesn’t even look up when she tells me, “No.” I’m like, “What? I don’t get to keep these clothes?” She just turns the page of her magazine.
The producer returns to the dressing room to fetch me, and she says, “You look great. I’m now going to take you to the greenroom, where you will meet Slick Rick and Fat Joe. They are going to work with you for when you are out on-stage. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It was all such a whirlwind. I had no idea they were even going to be there, and here I was on my way to meet them. She asked me, “Do you have any questions?” And I was like, “Yeah, do I get to keep these clothes?” She tells me, “No. After the segment you need to go back to the dressing room and return them.
Now, I’ve heard ‘no’ from two different people, but I’m not done. I meet Slick Rick and Fat Joe. We rehearse for a quick minute before they go out on-stage, where the cast from the movie Whiteboyz (about some white rappers) are hanging out on one side of the panel, and on the other side are concerned conservative parents. Mix it up and let the drama ensue!
I was still in the greenroom at this point. When it was time for my segment, Queen Latifah says, “Alright, you all remember what Zachariah used to look like?” The before picture was displayed. Everyone laughs. “Bring out Zachariah now!” I was scared shitless, thinking, ‘oh no, what did I get myself into now?’ Right then, the door flies open. I walk out,...
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